Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We got so high we made milksteak
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
