atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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