I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
