He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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