I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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