Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
