last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
