How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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