phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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