from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up under a house in Key West
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