Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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