i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
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I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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