I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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