I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
