A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
