Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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