She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
