I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
