Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
