i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
