You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Randomize
