Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
