just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
