Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
