the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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