Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
