she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
