I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
