FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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