Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
