it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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