I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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