I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
