would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
