i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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