My first STD was from a foam party
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
