I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i think i have herpe
just one?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
