You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
