So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
