Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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