Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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