I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
