I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize