...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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