We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
