If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
