this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
