At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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