we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
