If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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