sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
