We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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