i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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