it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
