Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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