so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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