Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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