Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
