its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
