ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Drunk is not a location!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
