just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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