if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
