Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
