I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
