mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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