The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
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Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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