Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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