...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
