If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
