He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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