I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
