I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
