so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
