I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
