Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
