you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
